Coercively controlled wife was in situation 'like falling in love with your kidnapper', judge says

Gordon Deegan

A judge has remarked that a woman who was allegedly very coercively controlled by her husband in a very long marriage was in a situation of "falling in love with your kidnapper to a certain degree”.

At the Family Law Court, Judge Alec Gabbett made his comment before granting the woman a Protection Order under the Domestic Violence Act.

After reading her statement grounding her application for the Protection Order, Judge Gabbett said that he "understands why you didn’t come to court sooner, it makes sense”.

He said: "It is almost Stockholm Syndrome, isn't it? Falling in love with your kidnapper to a certain degree.”

Judge Gabbett said that from the written information provided by the applicant, he can see that she has been "in a very long marriage and very coercively controlled".

He said: “There have been lots of threats - some physical violence escalating late in 2025 when he took a sledgehammer to the bedroom door to get in."

Judge Gabbett said to the woman: “You left and he went to cancel your bank cards and you received abusive phone calls and messages.”

Judge Gabbett said: “I get it - I have to ask the question why you didn’t come sooner but I understand that.”

The woman replied, “I couldn't take the chance.”

Judge Gabbett told her, “You are a victim of your circumstance. Are you afraid of him?" to which the woman replied, "Yes."

She confirmed that she no longer lives with her husband.

The woman was accompanied to court by Sgt Caitriona Houlihan, who replied "yes" when Judge Gabbett asked her if she was progressing the matter another way.

The husband was not present in court for the application that was made on an ex parte basis by the applicant.

Judge Gabbett adjourned until April the hearing of the woman’s Safety Order, where the husband will be present to rebut any of the allegations made, and he will also have the option to consent to the Safety Order application.

If the man breaches the terms of the Protection Order before then, he can be arrested without warrant by Gardaí following a complaint from the woman, charged and brought before a district court judge.

If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this article, you can contact Women’s Aid (24-hour freephone helpline at 1800-341 900, email helpline@womensaid.ie) or Men’s Aid Ireland (confidential helpline at 01-554 3811, email hello@mensaid.ie) for support and information.