Portlaoise carer shares her fostering story

A SOCIAL care leader in Portlaoise who fostered a teenage girl has shared her story, in the hope that others may consider a challenging but rewarding experience.

Bernie Sheil always wanted to foster but never thought she would be chosen, as she is a single, working woman who lives on her own. To her surprise, she became a foster carer to a 17-year-old girl.

After working for Tusla in Carlow/Kilkenny, Bernie joined the child protection team in Portlaoise two-and-a-half years ago. As June is National Fostering Awareness Month, she decided to share her journey to mark the month run by Tusla Fostering, the national agency for foster care.

They say never to bring your work home with you but Bernie says that, if she had followed that advice, she would never have “a wonderful young woman” like Linda* in her life as a foster daughter.

She proudly clutches the pages of a letter from Linda, which says: ‘I never knew what it was like to have such an amazing, hard-working parent… You led me out of the dark… You fight for what I need. You are 100% the reason I haven’t given up.’ Bernie explains that she first worked with Linda five years ago, supporting her as she was moved to voluntary care and then to full-time care, driving her to and from school and other appointments.

Bernie recalls: “Later, I changed teams and was no longer working with her, but I always had a soft spot for Linda.” Their paths crossed again when one of Bernie’s colleagues revealed that the teenager’s placement was breaking down and it looked like she would have to go into residential care. Bernie instantly replied: “Sure, I’ll take her if nobody else will.” Bernie went home and told her daughter Kim (27), who also works with Tusla and lives just a few minutes away with her nanny. Kim gave her mother full support and a process began that resulted in Bernie becoming the 17-year-old’s foster carer a year ago.

Bernie believes the fact that she stepped forward looking for her to be part of her home was “a huge thing for Linda” but it was still a difficult adjustment for the first six months, which she couldn’t have managed without Kim’s help.

The four women, including nanny, get on well and Linda often pops in to Kim’s home to spend time there. Bernie says the biggest challenge for the teenager was adjusting to life in a small country village, after her previous home in the city. For Bernie, the biggest challenge was learning to support Linda’s social anxiety.

She says: “Linda’s really organised and I’m not. I had to learn to spell out clearly to her what would happen when we went on a trip somewhere – how long each stage would take and who we were likely to meet – because that would put her mind at rest. So, I had to learn to be very planned and organised.” Bernie says that she has been hugely supported by Tusla along the way. Because of her high level of social anxiety, it was felt best not to change Linda’s school and the agency provides transport for the 45-minute journey.

“That took the pressure off,” says Bernie. “They have done everything to make this work. All supports are in place – respite for me and counselling support for Linda.” Bernie says that her own experience in social care has been of real benefit when it comes to engaging with Linda’s social worker, who was available at all hours to answer calls.

According to Tusla, the teenager’s social workers report a massive difference since she first came into Bernie’s care. Linda will be 18 in November and will move to supported lodgings in the new year.

Bernie says: “At least we will have given her two years that she will always remember. You can never guarantee, but it’s nice to know that we’ve given her an environment where she is learning to love and value herself more.

“Kim always wanted a sister and Linda likes the idea of having a big sister. She actually wrote a letter to Kim saying, ‘you’re the sister I never had’.” Tusla Fostering is seeking foster carers from all walks of life to help ensure young people can stay connected to their communities. A local placement will ensure they can maintain important connections with their friends, sports, school and community, helping them reach their full potential.

Tusla’s National Lead for Fostering, Jacqui Smyth, says the Child and Family Agency welcomes applicants and enquiries from all backgrounds to provide foster care, which comes in a variety of forms from short-term respite care to relative care and long-term.

Jacqui said: “It is really important that the pool of available foster carers is as diverse and unique as possible, because the needs of every child differ. Children come into care from every socio-economic group, across religions and cultures, across rural and urban communities. Every child deserves the chance to live in a home within their own community.” Bernie says that it can be “a bit of a jigsaw” trying to get the right fit between carer and child as no parent, child or foster carer is the same. They need to learn to fit together. She says: “Our life experiences gave us the understanding that this child needed.” Bernie hopes to do her master’s degree in social work next year and will then consider fostering again.

For more information, visit fostering.ie, call freephone 1800 226771 or email tusla.fostering@tusla.ie.

*Name has been changed